Dear blank, please blank is a site with an enigmatic name but a very simple idea. Imagine what people, animals, countries or even inanimate objects might write to each other in correspondence. The pithier the better.

Two guys in Seattle, Jared Wunsch and Hans Johnson came up with the idea. The submissions are moderated by Jared’s cat Louie if you feel like ‘putting pen to paper’.

Here’s some of our favourites…


Dear Fox News,

So far, no news about foxes.

Sincerely, Unimpressed

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Dear Elevator,

Remember that night in Vegas? Well, we have a son and his name is Escalator.

Sincerely, Stairs.

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Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain… No one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely, Sarah Palin

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Dear America,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely, Canada

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Dear everyone,

SORRY FOR MAKING YOU YELL IN YOUR HEAD!

Sincerely, caps lock.

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Dear Bruno Mars,

She’s not worth it man. If someone is throwing grenades at this girl, she’s obviously involved with some messed up people.

Sincerely, a friend who cares.

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Dear college,

I am writing to inform you that I am rejecting your rejection letter.

Sincerely, see you in the fall.

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Dear face cream that guarantees to make you look 10 years younger,

If I put this on my 9 year old brother will his face disappear?

Sincerely, hopeful.

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Dear math,

Please grow up and solve your own problems. I don’t have time for yours AND mine.

Sincerely, screw the value of X.

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Dear Windshield Wipers,

Can’t touch this.

Sincerely, That Little Triangle

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Dear person reading this,

You’re here because you’re actively procrastinating or avoiding real work, aren’t you? It’s OK…me too.

Sincerely, I’ll work tomorrow

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Dear Dora,

You’re bilingual at age 4, and you seriously can’t see the orange tree?!

Sincerely, It’s right there!

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Dear Thigh Fat,

Help the needy?

Sincerely, Boobs

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Dear Facebook,

Congratulations on becoming a verb. Welcome to the club.

Sincerely, Google

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Dear people who say “you are what you eat”,

False.

Sincerely, I don’t remember eating a sexy beast today…

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Dear readers,

You will read this a second time just to hear it in my voice.

Sincerely, Morgan Freeman.

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Dear ____________ (noun),

Please ____________(verb).

Sincerely, Mad Libs

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Dear Shoppers,

Don’t forget your flashlights.

Sincerely, Hollister

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Dear America,

Tomorrow was awesome.

Sincerely, Australia.

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Dear physics professor,

Sorry I didn’t come to class today, I was unable to overcome inertia.

Sincerely, objects at rest stay at rest.

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Dear police,

Kidnap is such a strong word. I prefer surprise adoption…

Sincerely, creative criminal.

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Dear 4,153,237 people that got married in the past year,

Sorry, but shouldn’t that be an even number?

Sincerely, who kept count?!

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